Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Would you prefer maggots?

Lately I’ve been trying really hard to hold onto my positivity. I’m a born optimist. I won the Spirit Award at my high school, and was always the member of my team cheering “We can do it!” Lately, though, I feel that little optimist inside me dying. It’s been a slow death, brought on by a rollercoaster of ups and downs that have left Little Miss Optimist reeling and about to wheeze out her final death rattle. In anticipation of her death, like a vulture, my internal pessimist is circling, ready to pick her bones clean, and take her place. Little-Miss-Pessimist is closing in and boy oh boy is she CRANKY!

You know those people on Facebook whose status says things like, “Love my life”, or “So blessed”. They’re so happy, and feel so lucky and thankful that they need to proclaim their gratitude to the world. Well, Little Miss Pessimist HATES them. Seriously, she wants to punch them in the face and then ask, “How much do you love your life now?”

I recently picked up a bit of on-the-side work for my brother –in-law. It requires going through 4 ½ years of paperwork and making note of certain transactional details. He is paying a VERY nice hourly wage, I can work on it from home (thus eliminating the need for child care) and it’s the extra income we need right now.

Hooray, right?!? A reprieve for Little Miss Optimist! Just the booster shot of happiness she needs!

Nope, Little Miss Pessimist is too strong and the details of the job are delicious fuel for the likes of her. The job has got to be the most mind numbingly boring gig I’ve EVER had. I think my eyes might glaze over permanently before I’m done. I already have less than perfect eyesight, and I’m afraid I’m putting my eyes at further risk. Permanent blindness is sure to occur from this project. I’ve worked 14 hours so far and I’m not even a quarter of the way through. Little Miss Optimist says, “Hooray, you’re going to make some great bank from this job!” Little Miss Pessimist says, “I’d rather eat glass! This sucks!”

I KNOW! I KNOW! I seriously need an intervention. Maybe an exorcism could be performed to banish Little Miss Pessimist for good?

While at the park the other day with my little girl, I was chatting with a fellow SAHM, and she told me her indoor cats got outside and ended up bringing fleas into the house, and ever since the battle against the tiny pests started she can’t stop itching. Little Miss Optimist reared up and offered this story as a bright shinny ray of light to shine hope on this poor woman's predicament.

While living in Guam, everyone I knew battled against the same innocuous pest. The common House Fly. Being a tropical island, with temperatures of about 86 degrees daily, with 100% humidity, these little pests THRIVED. My husband would regularly dump bleach and ammonia into our garbage can in order to gas their progeny, and diminish their ever increasing numbers.

They are just flies, right? No big deal. Don’t be so sure.

I heard this horror story of all horror stories from a fellow Military Wife. A couple had bought their dog a giant bone. One of those ones that are HUGE and last forever before the dog can finish chewing it all up. Their dog LOVED his bone. He carried it around the house everywhere with him. Bringing it to his masters to throw, lying contentedly on the living room carpet gnawing on it, and taking it into the bedroom at the end of the day. Little did everyone know there was a stowaway in the dog’s bone. An adult fly had found this bone the perfect warm, safe and cozy place to lay its eggs. As the sweet dog carried his favorite item around the house with him, he was unwittingly spreading the eggs everywhere. They settled into all of the carpets, where they were just as warm and happy as in the bone. Then, as is inevitable with eggs, they hatched.

Every surface where the dog had been was now infested with MAGGOTS!!!

An urban legend? Maybe. Gross? Um, that goes without saying.

After finishing this story my Little Miss Optimist took a nice deep breath and gave Little Miss Pessimist a swift kick in the pants. The story was a reminder that it is important to remember that even if things are bad, they could always be worse.

Because which would you prefer? Fleas or Maggots?

A little ray of sunshine to brighten whatever pile of crap you are currently dealing with,



Fatshion Chic said...

LOL! my favorite line... "details of the job are delicious fuel for the likes of her."

You are genius - so glad you are writing!


Mandy:) said...

Thanks hun! MILLIONAIRES!!!!!! XO

Hot Belly Mama said...

Sweet! Lots of laugh! You're a natural writer Mandy. Can't wait for more!

I think cranky pants came out when monday morning coffee went away!

Mandy:) said...

Thanks Hot Belly Mama! That means a lot to me as I think your writting is amazing! And no worries, monday morning coffee will be back soon :)

Cathy said...

Your writing is smart, witty and a real joy to read Mandy! I am proud of you!

Mandy:) said...

Awww, thanks Cathy! I really appreciate that!!

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