Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Kids are a joy... most of the time.



This is Miss Madeline Anne. She is almost 22 months old. She loves kitties and doggies and babies. She is a Daddy’s girl, who adores curling up on the couch with her blankie and a sippy cup of milk, to watch Sesame Street. She loves to dance and sing and clap her hands. She is gorgeous, with her father’s beautiful blue eyes, a perfectly kissable rosebud mouth, and an angelic little heart shaped face.

It seems like just yesterday she was a tiny little baby, still trying to focus in on the world around her. Now she is a little person, with her own thoughts and emotions.

This is her current favorite…



ATTENTION! ATTENTION! WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY! MY CHILD IS POSSESSED!

I always knew the perfect easygoing and angelic child I gave birth to almost two years ago couldn’t last forever. Despite a little reflux (which stained every piece of fabric we owned) she was a dream. Unless she was hungry, tired, dirty or hurt, she was happy. She started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks!

I know all you mamas out there hate me just a little bit right now, and it’s okay, I understand.

Well honey, those days are gone. I knew eventually I would have to pay for my amazingly good fortune. Nothing comes for free in this world, EVERYONE has to pay their dues, and the powers that be have come to collect!

THE TANTRUMS!!!! OH MY GOD THE TANTRUMS!!

If this is the attitude and stubbornness I have to deal with now, I FEAR for her teens!! To witness her in the throes of a full strength, everything she’s got, THE WORLD HAS OFFICIALLY ENDED BECAUSE I CAN’T HAVE MY WAY tantrum, borders on terrifying. There’s screaming, kicking, crying, hitting, thrashing, growling, spitting, levitation, vomiting streams of green liquid…

I have nightmares that during a particularly horrific tantrum, streams of vicious and foul language pour from my precious child’s mouth, while her head turns on its axis and she turns bright red. And all because I’ve told her she can’t stick an extremely sharp pencil in her eye.

Any parent of a toddler can tell you they dread the day their little munchkin learns the most foul of all words… NO! Once a toddler learns this loathsome word all bets are off. It becomes a battle cry. A musical and magical chant that when uttered can render their parents completely frustrated and exhausted.

My dictator in short pants has learned this word, and she loves it so much she has put her own spin on it. Madeline doesn’t yell “NO”, when asked to please sit nicely on the couch so she doesn’t fall and crack open her skull Madeline shouts,

“MO!”

Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a straight face and reprimand your child when it sounds like she is calling for a middle aged man who owns a deli?

Having officially entered the season of “MO” with its storms of “Demon Temper”, I knew it was only a matter of time before I had to endure my first public tantrum. Having worked in a grocery store during high school, I witnessed my fare share of parents trying to deal with these horrible occurrences. They were AWFUL! Everyone staring at the parents of the offending child, judgmental looks on their faces, whispering to each other. I knew when my day came, it was going to be an acutely horrible experience.

Well the day finally came, and IT WAS SO MUCH WORSE THEN I COULD HAVE EVER IMAGINED!

Miss Madeline Anne did not choose to pitch a fit in the middle of a shopping mall, grocery store or noisy playground. Oh no, my child chose to lose her marbles while visiting the most Zen and tranquil of all public places,

THE LOCAL PUBLIC LIBRARY!!!

My experience that day taught me two things.

1. The acoustics of a library are FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC! Madeline’s screams bounced and reverberated around the serene space like a pinball.

2. I am the fastest self check-out in the west. I had her under one arm, my books under the other and was out the door in less than 30 seconds.

The whole episode was about as much fun as a poke in the eye with a sharp stick (or maybe I could borrow the sharp pencil from my nightmare!). All in all it is not an experience I am looking to repeat anytime soon, even though I know, I will have the joy of reliving it again and again in different locations and circumstances for many years to come.

To get through it all I will simply embrace the mantra my Mother always chanted whenever we morphed into unholy demons sent from hell to torture her,

“Kids are a joy, kids are a joy, KIDS ARE A JOY!"

I think despite our behavior, she even believed it.

Here’s hoping it doesn’t come to the use of the sharp stick!

Mandy:)

P.S. Pictures are courtesy of Jessica Kane of Kane Kreative

4 comments:

Fatshion Chic said...

my favorite pictures EVER!!! MUST. TAKE. MORE. CAN'T. HELP. MYSELF!! lol
Great post and AMEN!! haha

xoxo
jessica (allen family photographer!)
www.fatshionchic.com

Fatshion Chic said...

ok seriously. levitation, vomiting streams of green liquid… my favorite line ever - laughing OUT LOUD.
thank you.

Jenn said...

omg Mandy.....that is so funny!! I'm sorry, I had to laugh so hard. I know exactly what you are going through. Just wait til you have 2 and they are sitting in the cart yelling and hitting each other...yah that is pretty special too! She is a cutie though..even when she is mad!! lol

Mandy:) said...

I think I'll be holding off on a second for quite some time!! Glad it gave you a laugh Jenn, anything I can do to brighten the day of another mama :)

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